Writing Wedding Vows That Actually Sound Like You
Most wedding vows end up sounding like someone else wrote them. Here's how to find your own voice when the stakes have never been higher.
Part of the Wedding Vows Guide : how to write vows that actually sound like you.
There's a moment, about two weeks before the wedding, when most people realize their vows sound like everyone else's vows.
They've written something sincere. Something heartfelt. Something they genuinely mean. And yet somehow it sounds like it was lifted from a vows template. Like they were trying to write a perfect vow instead of their vow.
This is the hardest thing about writing your own vows: the pressure to say something profound tends to flatten the thing that actually makes it profound. Your voice.
Why "I promise to love you forever" doesn't land
Think about the last time you cried at a wedding. What was it that actually got you?
It wasn't the promise. It was the detail inside the promise. The specific, irreplaceable moment that only these two people could have named. The callback to the thing everyone in the room had witnessed but never heard put into words.
"I promise to love you forever" is true. It's also invisible. The audience slides right past it because they've heard it a hundred times.
"I promise to still make you coffee even when I'm the one who's annoyed." That's a specific. That lands. That's a detail that only works because it's them.
How the best vows are built
The best personal vows tend to have three parts.
The first is a specific past moment. Not the whole story. One scene. Where were you? What was said? What did you notice? This grounds everything that follows.
The second is what you see when you see them now. Not a list of qualities ("you're kind, you're funny, you're my best friend") but a specific observation. The thing they do at breakfast. The way they hold your hand on the subway. The sound of their laugh right before it gets out of control.
The third is where the actual promise lives. But now that you've built context, the promise can be specific too. Not "I promise to cherish you" but something that earns the word cherish through detail. "I promise to show up for the hard conversations even when I want to avoid them. I promise to keep choosing this, even when choosing is hard."
Finding your voice
Most people don't sound like themselves when they write. They sound like a more formal, better-behaved version of themselves. The one who uses complete sentences and doesn't make references to inside jokes.
That person writes fine vows. But they're not the person your partner fell in love with.
A few questions that can unlock your actual voice:
What do you say when you're trying to say something important? Not in writing. Out loud, on the phone, when you're being honest. What phrases do you use? What do you reach for?
What's a detail about them that no one else would know? Not a secret. Just something small and specific. The thing you notice that nobody else notices. Put that in the vow.
What made you certain? There's usually a moment. A specific Tuesday. A particular phone call. A thing they said or didn't say. Find that moment and let it be the spine of your vow.
What are you actually promising? Not the abstract promise. The specific one. What is the thing you are committing to do, or be, or show up for, in the hard moments?
On length
Two minutes. That's the sweet spot.
Shorter feels underprepared. Longer risks losing your audience, and your nerve.
Two minutes is roughly 250-300 words. That's three or four tight paragraphs. It's enough to say something real and specific without turning into a speech.
If you're writing your vows jointly, talk about length in advance. A minute-forty and a minute-forty is better than a minute-ten and a three-minute dramatic soliloquy.
The line you'll always remember
Every set of vows should have one line you wouldn't want to be there without. Not the most important promise. The most true line. The one that makes your partner's eyes change when you say it because only the two of you know exactly what it means.
That line is usually buried in your rough draft. It's the sentence you almost cut because it felt too specific, too small, too inside. Go back and find it. That's the center of your vow.
Keep reading:
Your vows are the most personal words you'll ever speak in public.
Ready to write yours? Our AI interview draws out your specific stories, your actual voice, your real promises, and crafts vow drafts that sound unmistakably like you.
